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Overworking or Overliving?!

Curly Girl reach Happiness with coaching

A reflection on balancing life and work 👩‍💻💃🏻

A client who migrated to New Zealand for a high paying job, today softly dropped this 💎 gem of a reflection:

“The aftermath of my divorce made me realise the purpose in life to create myself, rather than succeeding in work.” [anonymous]

Opening up even more, he approached the 🔥hot topic of Over-Working.

Also known as Workhaolism, it apparently is about…well: work.

In reality, it’s all about life!

Let me explain this with a brilliant visual:

 

Diving too deep into our work seems to be connected to running from something 🏃♀️(we don’t want to deal with) and living for something 👩💻 (we may have not fully weighed the importance of).

Ring any bells for you? Below some food for thought. 

OverLife happens. How is your choice!

1️⃣ Identify what you are living for currently.  

Make a list of the activities taking up the majority of your calendar, relationships that you are prioritising, and pleasures of life you don’t want to do without.

2️⃣ Recognise which parts of your life you are avoiding.

Maybe it’s those sport activity you have been planning to do since moving New Year, or perhaps it’s the phone call to a relative you keep postponing.

3️⃣ Now ask yourself: “How do I feel about it?”. 

Pin-point down the emotion that arises when thinking about the avoidance bits of Step 2. If you’re at loss for words, looking up the emotion wheel will hopefully do the trick.

🏁 Final Step

Figure out the ratio between running & living. 

How much of your time and energy goes into What you’re living for? And how much into avoidance?

The aim is to find a % between the two that balances it out.

Grazie,

Grazia

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“This really triggered me”…understanding what makes us snap!

Understand your emotions through psychological triggers

Understand your emotions we’re told. Doh, if only it were that simple:

  • there are a ton of them!
  • what if we are emotionally “altered” ?! Angry, euphoric, sad, anxious.

To start off, you could check out the Wheel of Emotions: this tool will (hopefully!) help you nail down what and how you are feeling.

However, the wheel itself sometime is not enough. Do not despair! To achieve a quiet and calmness in your work-life structure and life abroad, here is a shortcut: identify your psychological triggers!

That is to say, acknowledge what makes you snap: being “triggered” means having an emotional reaction to a certain topic mentioned  in the media or in a social setting.

In modern terms, it has become synonyms of suddenly becoming uncomfortable with something or someone. Hence, if you cannot find words to describe how you’re feeling, take a step back: what happened to make you feel like it?

In summary, you can understand your emotions by looking at what caused them. The cause is what is called: psychological trigger. The Trigger is that very thing – aspect – tone of voice – image – smell that start all the above. 

Are you looking for an easy way to spot your triggers? Look no further!

Firstly, check out the selection of triggers on the right 👉

Secondly, pay attention to how you respond to the trigger when the occasion arises. 

Above all else, do some reflection and discuss it in a Coaching session – I am available to coach you through on this, so get in touch here!

“Whatever is triggering you, is on you” [Richie Norton]

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A curly Journey: transforming the outside and the inside of You!

  • New looks can trigger internal shifts
  • Internal changes can also trigger new appearances
  • Reconciling old & new habits

COACHING CONVERSATIONS TO START A LOVE AFFAIR…WITH YOURSELF!

The way we look is an important part of our identity. In times of change, tweaking it can have the Domino effect of triggering shifts in all areas of our life: confidence, love life, identity.

My client Xio experienced this mid-way through her coaching programme with me.
Covid Lockdowns made her re-assess her life: she had sorted out her career, yet she did not feel to be as successful and content in other parts of her living (relationships in particular). 
And so, her journey to personal development began. 

Without going into Career Coaching, our conversations uncovered a key element for Xio: confidence. 
She grew secure and bold enough to get back in touch with her nature: she rediscovered herself as the bubbly, curious and think-outside-of-the-box woman she truly is. 

Amazingly, that translated into an external transformation: Xio accepted her nature of naturally Curly girl.

Hear it directly from her 👇

 

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Your three Brains – How to decide without stress

HOW TO DECIDE WITHOUT STRESS

Your recipe for deciding without stress:

 

  • Rational thinking
  • Emotional response
  • Instinct
  • Social influences

All of these elements mix within ourselves. 

They have a promiscuous nature, i.e. tend to blend with each other.

Hence, it can be complicated to isolate and understand each one of them.

How we take decisions in our brain, gut and heart

DECISION MAKING MADE SIMPLE(R)

How can we decide without stress…like all the time?!
Firstly, let us take a look at HOW we take decisions, or better WITH WHAT.

Usually, one think of utilising the power of the Brain to reach a settlement.

Here is an interesting fact for you: you actually have 3 brains!!

What does this have to do with how to decide without stress? The concept of having Three Brains may not sound scientific at all, yet it stems from a definition well rooted in science: 

A brain is not a singular body part. It is any element of the body capable of learning.

 

DECIDE WITHOUT STRESS – THE NITTY GRITTY

Turns out, learning is not a function merely reserved to our heads, rather it is executed by:

Rational central – Your Brain 🧠

The head brain is responsible for observing the world: it analyzes information, applies logic, see patterns and make sense of it.

Its nature is reasoning, logical and loves detailed plans. 

Emotional central – Your Heart 💛

The heart brain job is to reach out to the world: it senses the world through emotion and feelings. By generating the largest electromagnetic field in the body, it sends as many messages to the head brain as it receives.

By nature, visionary and dreamy. Home to emotions, memories and images.

Instinctual central – Your Gut 💩

The gut brain is used for understanding our identity and who we are in the world. The gut brain teaches us to follow our instinct (the “gut feeling”). Also responsible for processing information during sleep and producing 70% of serotonin (the neurotransmitter that relays signals across the brain to help us think clearer).

It has got a direct and practical nature.

When it comes to career choices, personal development, professional dilemmas or even the simple act of deciding what’s for dinner, we embark in a complex Decision Making process involving the three Centrals.

They work together like an orchestra: billions of neurons cooperating to gather, process, store, and act upon information.
When working together perfectly, they don’t make us accomplish amazing things: healthier, happier, and more engaged us at home, at work, in life.

Learning how to take decisions that sit well in all of the 3 brains is key to a balanced and more authentic life.
Coaching sessions can help with this – book your one below

Book your session

I look forward to chatting this through with you!

Grazie,

 

Grazia

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How you see yourself and Who you truly are can be very different.

Your Professional-Self is not an over-writing of your Personal-Self

Especially when launching or owning your own business.

Did this quick and discerning exercise with a client last week.

She’s in transition from full-time employment into launching her own business. In the meanwhile, she’s helping out her partner’s business: so it’s safe to describe her as a Business Woman.

While thinking about WHAT type of business she’d like to launch, it became clear there was a block around her purpose. 

We got her to list 2-3 things that she really enjoy doing in her private life; then she listed the aspects of her profession she loves the most.

Finally, we looked for common themes.

It turned out, being creative was her motivator.

BUT it was buried under layers of spread-sheets, planning, admin.

“Always be yourself and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and try to duplicate it.”
[Bruce Lee].

The practical, systematic nature of her job locked her into looking at herself as a Pragmatic Person. Which she is, yet what she really thrives on is Creativity.

We parted agreeing that more reflection is needed. Material for next session.

Your professional personality does not necessarily and fully describe your private personality. 

It is easy to forget that, especially if our job is demanding (owning a business surely is).

“Woah, that’s not rocket science” I hear you thinking. No, it’s not! And that’s the magic…but you still have to set aside time to do it. And most of us don’t. That’s dangerous territory: it is where your Professional You can split from your Authentic you, leading to loss of motivation and purpose.

Does your tummy turn into a knot when you think about showing up yet another day in your work or Business? A Coaching session to shake your thinking out of set ways may be the key to unlock your impasse.

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That feeling of discomfort or being sensitive to certain topics

FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT

  • Signals a conflict within us
  • Are a getaway to unlocking solutions
  • Are the way our body communicates with us
  • Do not mean that your whole life sucks

DO YOU GET DEFENSIVE OR SENSITIVE WHEN A CERTAIN TOPIC IS DISCUSSED? WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU HOW AN ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE IS GOING?

THAT’S A BLESSING IN DISGUISE! 

In this brief video I explain you how spotting feelings of discomfort – avoidance – can be the sign you need just in that moment to get you unstuck. 

Our very human nature is to shy away from situations that cause negative feelings to arise. Who likes to suffer, in all honesty?!

There’s a But! and a big one. 
These sensations of “it’s not what I want”, or “ouch, I feel touchy about it” are actually red flags 🚩 that we can use to re-assess the situation. Our strategy to deal with certain things can be:
– outdated
– not serving us anymore
– not in line with our values
– holding great results back

So why not taking the respect and address the first signs of discomfort in every aspect of our life as a first step to a more healthy and sustainable mind and body?!

Transcript:

A quick post about spotting red flags and doing something about it!

I just came out from my dentist; I had rushed to see them because it had been a couple of days of me feeling a discomfort or sensitivity feeling when brushing my teeth.

And I was already expecting the worse, like a tooth had to be pulled out or something similar!

The hygienist simply told me “Look, the external patina of a couple of teeth has worn out, so you’ll need to use a different type of toothpaste and I’ll need to show you a different way to brush your teeth!”

And I was like “What?! It’s been 30 years that I’ve been brushing my teeth, I have never had major problems, you always tell me that my teeth are in excellent conditions. So…I think I’ve done everything good so far!”

And that really got me thinking, got me thinking that when we feel a sensation of discomfort, a sensation of being more 

sensitive about a topic then we REALLY have the power to get in touch with these red flags, follow our gut feeling, and then get it checked up!

Not necessarily from a professional or someone that tells us “Hey, you have to do this and this and that.” [do that with teeth pains though!!]. In my case it’s about going to a Coach (as I do go to my Coach) and check out: How has the situation around me changed? Why do I feel so sensitive about it? And what can I do, how can I change the way I react to things?

Well, in my case I walked out with a brand new toothbrush and a brand new way to brush my teeth, that I will be going to implement going forward and, hopefully, most certainly I will see some results from it.

If you’re finding yourself in a situation where you feel sensitive about a particular topic, where you feel a situation of discomfort when you are dealing with a certain situation – being it in your private life, or in your professional life – Well, then think about it! Why can’t you bounce off ideas with someone there to listen to your ideas and spot the underlining common thread?

That is what a Coach is about! And it can help you walk out with a brand new set of tools to adapt to your changing reality!

That’s what Coaching is all about!

I’ll catch you later!

 

 

 

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Che cosa é il Coaching?!

Un’introduzione al Coaching 

Per il mio network italiano 🇮🇹

Qui in Nuova Zelanda la comunità italiana é ben connessa. Due modi per farci conoscere l’un con l’atro, sono la società Dante Alighieri basata ad Auckland ed il podcast Ondazzurra.

Il mese scorso, Carla di Ondazzurra mi ha gentilmente ospitata; insieme abbiamo parlato della mia esperienza all’estero e di Coaching.

Se vi state chiedendo “𝗠𝗮 𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗮 𝗹’é ‘𝘀𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴?!” o se state 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤 𝙪𝙣 𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙤 𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙖 𝙤𝙡𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙥𝙚 , ne potete scoprire di più qui:

– Podcast —> https://lnkd.in/gjBTz_eM

– Newsletter online: https://www.dante.org.nz/_files/ugd/c2b48f_0c85843eead84e96a747afc346f8c902.pdf 

O trovate una preview qui sotto 🙂 

Che domande avete sul Coaching?! Lasciate un commento!

 

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You can be “Whole” alone

You can be “Whole” alone.

“Loneliness is just an opportunity to cut adrift and find yourself. In solitude you are least alone.” [Bruce Lee]

When did you last comfortably spend time alone?

Being Alone is something us dislike that with a passion, as it can come with uncomfortable feelings. It’s easy to associate being alone with being lonely.This perspective could not take us further from the truth. What if being Alone was a resourceful activity instead?

Typical ways in which we shy away from the opportunity:
  • 🎷 Background noise – music, TV, podcasts.
  • 🧹 Activities – Cleaning the house, doing life admin.
  • 👯‍♂️ People – In person or virtually.

On the opposite, when Alone, we are given the chance to get in touch with yet another side of our Authentic Self. It is in the silence that answers to our most confronting questions can be found.
Who am I? Do I really like this? Am I really happy? 

Am I hearing your “yep, that’s me“? The step-by-step process below if for you! 

Step 1

Identify what you do to fill up your time and space instead of being alone. 

In your last week, month, year: What tasks did you occupied yourself with? 
What is it that you do not particularly enjoy but do anyway, as long as it keeps you away from having to face some (internal) questions?

Step 2

Imagine Being Alone as a big red flag 🚩.

Red flag signal you where more attention is needed: what exactly do you need to nourish? 
Ironically, you may have to sit in silence and let the answer come out, slowly.

You may hear it, see it, feel a particular way or get a sudden idea (also after a few days munching over it). 


Step 3

Now ask yourself: “What is the emotion I am trying to avoid”. 

Pin-point down the emotion you do NOT want to feel (that’s why you’re filling up your time with something else, right?!).
You can either: 
   – look up the emotion wheel
   – or fill in the gap: “I find a distraction not to feel _____ ” 

Final Step

Use your findings as your springboard. 

Now you know which aspects of your life need more TLC (tender loving care). Again, take time to identify which resources you have to make your garden flourish.

As for those resources you don’t have, you can take it one step further: do a research on where you can source that from. More time alone?!

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Work(Out)/Life Balance

Work(Out)/Life Balance

Dialogue at 9min out of 15min, sweating on a bike.

😈 “Jeez, this is hard, maybe I could stop now…it’s the end of the workout session anyway”.
😇 “No, com’on! You’re 2 thirds into your goal!”.

I have started to like going to the gym because it allows my mind to freely roam around.

No headphones.

No social media notifications.

Few distractions (background music pumping to what sounds like the same tune, music videos displaying on the big screens that, honestly, who came up with such crappy concepts?!).

A moment to make new connections. Better, an occasion to balance out private life and professional one. When a particularly stressful day is ahead, my stress levels go up the evening before…as if my brain was gearing up for battle. Quality of sleep drops, I wake up still tired, coffee cravings arise.

How do I  get more of that, in a life schedule featuring closing a business while launching another one, a full time job, getting mentored, networking and leading a private life?!

With the gym I find it easier for a variety of reasons – here some food for thought:

     – Scheduled it at the start of the end –> done & dusted!
     – I pay a subscription to access it–> that drives my commitment up! 
     – Support is there: I can access the knowledge bank of PT or Trainers when I want –> accountability buddies are easy to reach
     – I stack it onto other habits –> doing a round of calls on my way there and back

So, when I hit the gym floor before the start of the day, that changes everything ✨

     ⚪️ Sense of purpose: it feels like I’ve already done something of my day

     🟡 Endorphins flow, triggering a positive physical sensation

     ⚪️ Mind clarity: I don’t feel brain-scattered, and can focus better

     🟡 Me-time, moments to be Grazia the person. Not Grazia the Coach.

And you know what?! Having the room to notice that 😈 vs 😇 dialogue, is helping me spotting the same tension at work.

It is the key to make me more resilient, keep pushing for my goals, but also realise when I am over-doing it and it is time to look after myself as a person.

What do you do to balance out the work/life split?!

Grazie,

Grazia